Chapter Eight

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Alex waved her hands over Jane Dunway’s dazed face to no avail. Dunway was a goner. She was a train gone off the tracks. Her brown eyes looking up to the heavens in vapid hopelessness.

Alex couldn’t stand it. There were only two motives for Jane to take this type of action. She was either in Chem class staring at her gorgeous butch teaching assistant or she met a very beautiful femme.

Finally, Alex resolved to drastic action; she knocked Jane up the head with one carefully controlled punch.

“Ouch!” Jane shouted as she returned to Earth. “What the fuck was that for?!”

Alex embraced Jane. Jane groaned. “Not now, baby. I’m too tired from studying—“

“—the female anatomy,” Alex completed her sentence. “Jane’s go the ‘janes!’ “

“I do not have the ‘jones’!” Jane snapped back.

“Ya know how many straight girls walk through our doors?” Alex snapped. “And how many times they’d hit on me until they found out I was one of them?!”

Alex, or Alexandra Lao, definitely looked very masculine. A backwards NY Knicks cap covered her dark black hair. The baggy shirt and pants also covered her seemingly feminine Asian body. Her copper colored glasses, which balanced on her curt thick Chinese knows hid her slanty eyes. Jane used to be very much into the butch look.

“What did you think of her?” Jane asked softly.

“I dunno,” Alex replied coolly. “She’s cute and sexy and all that Suzy Kwong-bullshit.* But she looks too femme to be Sapphic!*”

“Now what does that mean?” Jane replied curtly.

“Look at her! She had long, silky hair which she probably shampoos every day! And she was definitely wearing make-up, much more than a lipstick lesbo would. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a Hello Kitty purse for her Hello Kitty vibrator!”

“Now that’s bullshit,” Jane replied. “Just because she doesn’t drive a pick-up truck and would rather go to Bebe than Home Depot doesn’t mean she can’t be a lesbian! She could be bi-curious for all that matters!”

“But she isn’t making it obvious,” Alex suddenly turned soft. “I just don’t want you to hopelessly chase another fading rainbow, like Jessica.”

“How the hell did I know she had a boyfriend?” Jane replied. “That drunk sorority slut doesn’t deserve anyone!”

“There are so many other girls in Berkeley who are available and deserve of your attention more,” Alex replied and sounded more perky.

Jane turned around in disgust “Oy! You’re not going to drag me to another – “

“It’s Pussycat Night at Club Faith!” Alex added. “Women for women! And there’s gonna be strip show full of cute grrls!”

“I dunno,” Jane started to turn away. “I think I’ve dealt with enough grrls for today.”

“Oh, whatever,” Alex laughed haughtily. “You can never have enough women!” She proceeded to a puppy dog eye look. “Please go. It would mean so much to me.”

Jane sighed. She could not resist Alex’s deep brown puppy dog eyes. “Okay. You win."

“Great!” Alex hopped happily. “Dede will meet us at ‘The Rage’ tonight at seven since I know you want to bring your motorbike.” She winked.

Jane sighed. “You’re so psychic.”

Shampoo draped a towel around her freshly clean body. The smell of peaches and cream conditioner still swam through her soft, purple hair. The practice was very relaxing. Her muscles ached but in a smooth tingling way.

Shampoo sat at her computer and started to check her e-mail. But something else pained her mind. It was like a Pandora’s Box waiting to be opened.

Shampoo sighed and went to her favorite search engine: “Google.”

Her hands were nervous. She could mentally feel her fingers touch the keyboard, each key seemingly like a designated code number that would access a secret door. She saw herself touching those keys, opening the door…and never being the same again. But would she step into that door? Shampoo sat back and looked at the computer screen. The multi-colored letters of Google stared at her like markers trying to guide an airplane home. The tiny cursor blinked impatiently.

Just do it. Something clicked in her head.


And she let her mind go.


Jane looked in her closet. What to wear? What to wear?

She tossed a couple of sweaters from her butchy days. XXL…XXXL? What was I thinking when I bought this crap?

She pulled out a tight black top and proceeded to put it on. This’ll accent my boobs. She grinned. But will I just look like a straight girl? Jane groaned.

She put on another outfit- a blue baret, loose blue shirt with tank top and baggy black pants. Oh this will be too obvious. She laughed.

She tried on a tuxedo top from Queer Prom. I look like Marlene Dietrich* on a trip to the ghetto. That went out.

She also considered wearing just a sports bra and boxers when her blood red cellphone began to vibrate.

“Get your butch butt down here!” Alex ordered.

Just pick something! Jane’s mind added. She grabbed the black beret, a black and white shirt and black vest with matching black pants. Audrey Hepburn as a dyke.


Across town, another woman dashed out of her apartment. Her closet turned into total shambles too. The computer screen still blinking and warm. But she was in a rush to leave that she forgot.

Some Notes:

"Jessica" is a very blatant reference to Kissing Jessica Stein which is a wonderful lesbian movie if you think it is so.

I love the references to classic movies. Marlene Dietrich wore a tuxedo and made out with a woman in the movie Morocco(1930.) "Dietrich's intentions are clearly heterosexual; the brief hint of lesbianism she exhibits only serves to make her more exotic." (Celluloid Closet by Vito Russo)

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