L is for Libacious


Shampoo was watching TV with her boyfriend in the room that she shared with her roommate Ling. She curled in his thin arms, feeling his soft but strong breath enter through her nostrils. Ben should not have eaten garlic for lunch. They were watching a basketball game  but Shampoo was far from thinking about the game itself.


She had been attending Q&A meetings for a month. Every week, she actually looked forward to coming to each meeting where she could happily spill her affections for women. She also liked the way that Lisa, the cute tomobyish girl, turned pink whenever Shampoo spoke.


            However, Shampoo realized that her small crush on Lisa meant an even larger dilemma for herself.


            Shampoo started to recall the day's events. And Lisa inviting her to see that new lesbian show. Shampoo was just walking out of the tapioca place again because she was completely addicted when she saw her new APIQ friends Lisa and Joanne coming out of Jamba Juice. Lisa looked extremely cute that day with her hair tied up ina bun. She was wearing a tight fitting American Eagle shirt and beige khakis.


The conversation had started out as extremely friendly, mostly exchanges of greetings and conditions. Shampoo was very exhausted because her midterms in Women Studies and Asian American Studies had decided to take place on the very same day. Lisa seemed to have the solution.


"You know," Lisa stammered. "We are showing this really great show called 'The L-Word.' It's about all these lesbians living in Los Angeles and it's full of hot girls. It's at my friend Mia's place on Shattuck."


            “I don’t know,” Shampoo fidgeted nervously. “I’m doing a lot of things with the sorority and I’m...... kinda really busy…”


            Lisa goofily grinned at Shampoo’s naďve cuteness. “You don’t have to decide right now,” Lisa said. “Just let it…marinate for a while.


            Shampoo smiled. The word marinate sounded very titillating. “Okay,” she giggled and sashayed away.


            “Girl, you got that out of Kissing Jessica Stein!” Lisa’s friend, a soft-butch Thai girl named Joanne, snapped angrily as Lisa checked Shampoo out.


            “I know,” Lisa smirked. “But it works every time.” The two dykes high-fived each other.


The basketball game was now over and Ben turned to Shampoo and started to move his hands underneath her shirt to perform the heterosexual love-after-basketball routine, which was now becoming dull


"I just can't tonight," Shampoo said, looking up to him as innocently as possible


"Are you having your period again?" Ben looked freaked out.


Shampoo grinned. This would get him out of her hair. "Yup, sorry hon."


In his busy life of playing basketball, video games and Korean porn, Ben somehow missed the one day that guys learned all about women and how their bodies actually work. Either that or he was too grossed out by the idea that Shampoo could go through something as gross as bleeding once a month.


"Well," Shampoo said. "We can still cuddle."


Ben got up and took his backpack. "Maybe later, babe. I've got an ECN test tomorrow."


"But you always ace that class!" Shampoo protested.


"Yeah," Ben looked at his cellphone. "But I really want to do well this time."


"Sure you do," Shampoo looked down. She knew Ben was probably going to end up in the city instead with his friends at some dumb old Dance-Dance Revolution competition while she would have to deal with the superficiality of shoppingwith her sorority sisters.


But not tonight.


"Fine then," Shampoo said and gave Ben a swift peck on the cheek. "Have a good night then sweetie."


"As always, babe," Ben grinned his stupid boy-grin and walked out of her life again but not before saying hi to Ling. Ling looked exceptionally pretty today, her long hair down and fit body dressed in a peasant shirt and tight blue jeans. Ling put down her black bag and made a smirked look of dismay toward Ben’s disappearing shadow.


"Sorry I overheard," Ling said. “He’s still freaked out about your period?”


“Yeah,” Shampoo muttered. “It’s getting annoying.”


Ling pulled out a tampon from her purse. "It also feels really good too, if you know what I mean."


"I prefer pads, thank you very much," Shampoo said. "I'm just much more comfortable in them."


Ling put the tampon box down. "You know I'm your big sis right," Ling said. "And sisters, in this white heteronormative Greek environment, are supposed to be there for each other. So if there's anything, I mean anything, that I can do for you, just let me know okay?"


Shampoo felt like she just heard the firing squad. "I will," Shampoo stammered. "Ling."



            Night came and the lesbians of Queer and Asian came together in their own secret flock to the living room of Mia Vang’s dingy apartment. Since Mia was fortunate to have accepting parents, Mia’s room was littered with posters of Angelina Jolie and Gina Gershon. Most of the women would be too freaked out to actually attend a Q&A meeting thanks to the entire testosterone overload in the form of Mike and the other gay men. But tonight was The L-Word and they all literally would jump through hoops to watch this show. All except one.


       "Where is she?!" Lisa muttered madly. "That girl is never late for a meeting!"


     "I know," Joanne said. "She's like perfect right?"


         Shampoo entered the room. She wore a black jacket and a sleek purple dress. "I like your dress," Lisa grinned. "The material is very soft." Lisa softly felt Shampoo's silk dress just below her left breast. Shampoo could feel her heart beating faster. Omigod, this girl is checking you out! She held her breath quietly.


       "Okay, ladies and....ladies," Mia Vang said. "I am so glad that you guys are here..."


     "SHOW US THE GIRLS?!" Lisa screamed as she squatted next to Shampoo. Shampoo blushed furiously. The rest of the audience looked like they were going to charge into Mia like a pack of bulls if she didn't put the tape in now.


     "Okay, I am honored to present to you....The L Word!"  Mia said .nervously. The ebb of hormones ebbed.


    So Shampoo sat through the first episode of this brand new television show that focused on queer womyn. The show was pretty drab in the beginning and the plot pretty tedious. Way too much dialogue. The main characters, Bette and Tina, were trying to get Tina pregnant as their friends bantered over the pregnancy. Shampoo felt like she was watching Sex and the City all over again. However, the women did provide lots of eye candy as they tossed their luxurious hair over lattes and bantered about nonsense.


All except one. When Shampoo first saw her, she saw love at first sight. Even her name was absolutely sexy. Marina Ferrer. Marina was the Cassanova of The L-Word who swept the closet-case protagonist Jenny off her feet. She started thinking about Jane, how Jane's dark brown hair flowed down her back. How Jane's succulent lips touched her. But Jane didn’t have Marina’s eyes, oh no. Jane’s eyes were dark drown and large. Marina’s eyes were buttery soft and slanted, almost Asian. And she was drop dead gorgeous. Shampoo felt her heart beating faster.


For a second, Shampoo pictured herself on The L-Word in the bathroom scene. She could see the soft candles lighting by the bathtub, the cool linoleum, and the gritty sandpaper on Bette and Tina’s bathroom wall. She was Jenny, the intelligent and beautiful sly minx with long dark hair. At first, it was the real Marina who was teasing her wispy hair. But then Marina turned into Jane with almond eyes and velvet skin. Shampoo pressed her lips deeper into Jane's face. When she pulled away, the woman was neither Marina nor Jane. In fact, Shampoo didn't really recognize the woman who she just kissed. Except that she was beautiful.


    And that was just the bathroom scene. As the pilot moved towards Jenny and Marina's monumental sex scene, Shampoo blushed furiously red as the girls made cat-calls to the television set. She realized that, unlike most of the girls, she had never had lesbian sex. Lest find out how it was performed. Okay, with the exception to those wacko porn movies that Ben's friends watched which involved pickles and bananas and other contraptions that should not be inserted in certain places. And it looked painful. Jenny and Marina weren't giving away much either. But it just looked so wonderful that Shampoo wanted it. She needed it. Shampoo decided that evening she would download the episode to her laptop.


The L-Word drew to its end and the girls started to come back from Cloud 9, only after the jawdropping scene. "Whew!" Mia said. "That's enough eye candy for the day! Now I know how Mike feels about Queer As Folk. I’m going to masturbate over Bette…I mean, get the next tape from Jolie! Did I just say that out loud?" The other girls laughed in unison.


"Did you like it, Shampoo?" Lisa looked up anxiously.


"It was very interesting," Shampoo said with a stupid grin. "But overall, I liked it." If only Lisa knew what she was really thinking.


The trip to Tapioca Express that followed seemed to hit the spot and Shampoo was enthusiastic that the girls loved tapioca as much as her. She also had to fight Lisa from treating Shampoo to tapioca. “Not many of the ‘newbies’ would come participate in this event!” Lisa said. “You deserve it.”


Shampoo had very little time to start lapping her taro tapioca smoothie. As she walked out with her new group of dyke Asian sisters, she barely missed another group of girls who had just happened to walk past the shop only moments ago. However, one girl decided to turn her head only slightly. Shampoo dropped her tapioca drink on the ground.


Ling had just seen her.


Oh shit.





I LOVE Showtime’s THE L-WORD! Is there any possible way I could have gotten away without discussing this problematic lesbian television show! I have hinted many times that the show will make a very important connection to the storyline. If you still have no idea what The L-Word is, visit my links page!

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